Fidelity in Marriage

This week in my Family Relations class we discussed marital fidelity in a way I never thought of before.

My boyfriend and I got engaged last Saturday (YAY!!!) and therefore I've been pondering on how to show greater fidelity and commitment as an engaged couple.

I have been dating many different people over the course of the last 3 years and every time I would date someone exclusively, new boundaries would arise. I would stop flirting with other guys, would not date other guys, and would try to spend more and more time with my new boyfriend. None of those relationships lasted though, and I would go back to the single and flirty phase!

Being engaged has introduced a whole new level of commitment and boundaries that I have never experienced. I have to keep reminding myself that I am choosing to be with one man, for the rest of my life (and after this life). I am not only putting him above any guy friend I have, but I am going to be forming a whole new family unit with him. Therefore, I not only need boundaries with my friends, but with my immediate family as well.

Kirie, what kind of boundaries are you talking about?

Well for example, when we discussed marital fidelity in class, we included emotional fidelity. This is a whole new level of fidelity, where not only am I choosing to not flirt with or seek after other men, but I am choosing to share my thoughts, feelings, and concerns with my new partner. I choose him to be the person that I work through hard things with. All strong relationships require the sharing of feelings, thoughts, concerns, and I would even add opinions.

Something amazing about my Fiancé is that he has helped create a safety net for us to talk about things. We really do communicate about anything we may be worried about or that we are unsure of. We have done this since the beginning of our relationship which is a huge reason I feel safe to be with him in the long run. I know our marriage will not be exempt from hard times, but being with someone I can communicate will definitely make it possible to get through those.

As I said before, when we share our feelings and time with someone we get closer to them and start to feel more attached to them. That is why there are certain boundaries that, if made, can help strengthen a marriage and keep it strong.

We watched a power point presentation for class that included the following:

Subtle Threats to Marital Fidelity:
1. Friends
2. Facebook
3. Family
4. Fighting

How do you think friends could be a threat to marriage fidelity? I wasn't sure I agreed with this at first, but as we discussed it and I have learned more I believe that it is important to distance oneself from guy friends (or if your a guy, girl friends) after marriage. Why? Because the best way to keep you husband as your #1 is to make him the #1 man in your life. You decide to what extent, but I believe this is an important principle.

I will not go into detail about each point from the power point (if you have thoughts feel free to comment below), but I also want to add that there should be boundaries with family.

Deciding to be married means your are becoming your own family unit as a couple (and probably with children later on). So that means having the ability to not lean on mom and dad if something goes wrong in the marriage, but learning to lean on each other as a couple. I think the support of a family is important. However, I think marriages can thrive and be even stronger if they learn to rely on each other through the hardest times.

I would love to hear your thoughts on how to show your fidelity in Marriage.

Have a wonderful week!

Kirie

"Don't apologize for wanting to be his one and only." (From Power Point in Family Relations 160 Class)