93% Of All Communication Is Nonverbal

93% of all communication is nonverbal.

~ Professor Mehrabian

It's slightly hard to imagine that most of what we say is actually not being said. The thought of communicating so much without even trying to is extremely eye opening, and makes me wonder what I say when I'm not speaking. 

When I think about it though, I always have fun with my sisters because we seem to just "get" each other. We have similar senses of humor, similar gestures, facial expressions, etc. All of these things add up to make a great time when we are together. I would imagine it's because of our strong similarities in our nonverbal communication that helps us understand each other so well. 

If 93% of nonverbal communication really is nonverbal, it's no wonder why first dates and new relationships are so difficult! Imagine putting two COMPLETELY different people together and have them try to understand one another. What a challenge! 

Maybe this is why newlyweds can go through major adjustments within their first year of marriage. Because two people from different families are being brought together to communicate about everything but both were raised to communicate in very different ways. 

Arguments usually begin based on a misunderstanding. Misunderstandings most often happen through miscommunication. So therefore, the way to have less arguments is to improve your communication.

A story from a video we watched in preparation for my Family Relations class was about a couple who got married and began to argue about everything. They couldn't seem to agree on things financially and she wanted to start a family soon, bringing more stress to the arguments. The couple agreed to participate in a study where each had a professional therapist to teach them.

The therapists first listened to how the couple normally discussed and talked about money which included lots of blaming, accusing, and not letting the other finish talking. It sounded like a normal argument you would hear between two people, without being too heated. After listening to them trying to communicate their thoughts and feelings, the therapists decided to then take them in to separate rooms to discuss some ways of communicating. 

When they came back in to the same room again, the couple was ready to listen fully to the other person's point of view and then respond with clear, understandable statements about how they feel. It was amazing! The couple heard each other out and then gave their "I feel" statements, sharing clearly what they really felt. Things such as, "I feel sad that you want me to sell my horse because it is something that makes me so happy and brings me joy. It is part of my dream in life to own a horse" and "I thought your were being selfish because you were choosing to keep the hose, but now I know it's because it makes you happy. I am willing to keep it too, because it makes you happy and that is what I really want." 

The kind words defused the situation so fast that it almost seemed silly that they had been arguing for so long. In Proverbs 15:1 it says, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." By learning to communicate effectively, we can defuse difficult and contentious discussions. We can learn to communicate effectively with our words as well as with our body language and intonation. Even when we are silent, we are communicating something and it's probably not what we intended.

Comment below with some of your best/worst/funniest miscommunication stories! Have you ever texted the wrong person or been misunderstood over text? 

Until next time,

Kirie