Stress, Crisis, and the Brain

"You can't control all of the things that happen in your life, but you can control the way you respond to them." 

Lauer & Lauer, page 299

Not too long ago I realized that there is a reason we go through such hard times in life. If we did not have difficult things to go through, how could we progress or appreciate when things are good?

In the Book of Mormon it says, "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, ...righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility"  (2 Nephi 2:11).

We will all go through hard times, and it has helped me to acknowledge that this is simply part of life. What makes a difference is how I react. It's okay to be sad, struggle, feel lonely, and hurt. It will pass, if you let it. :)

With going through extremely hard times, there are ways we tend to try and cope with those things. We read a chapter for class from our text book and included several different forms of coping.

My teacher from my Family Relations class brought up an interesting point about a coping saw. What is a coping saw? A coping saw is used to make minute, thoughtful adjustments that help adjust wood under pressure. 

That's what coping can be for us! Making small, thoughtful adjustments in our lives, relationships, or situations to help us adjust and improve under pressure. 

Common Coping patterns:

Denial - This method can be good temporarily to help ease in to thinking about the issue. Not very good in the long run though, since we need to be able to accept that there is an issue to be worked on or addressed. Once everyone can admit there's a problem, they can start working to fix it. 

Avoidance - This method can also be useful for a short amount of time but it's important to acknowledge the issue AND address it, similar to denial.

Scapegoating - This involves finding something or someone else to blame. This method is not useful at all and can actually make the situation worse. If you find someone else to blame for an issue, it can never fully get resolved.

Effective Coping strategies:

Affirm yours and your family's worth.

Balance self-concern with other-concern - care for yourself and others but avoid extremes of both.

Learn the art of re-framing - redefine the meaning of something. Many of the difficult times we have gone through or traumas we may have can be re written in our minds by redefining them and what happened.

Find and use available resources - Don't ever be afraid to find a support group. There will always be someone who struggles with something similar to what you're going through who might be able to help you heal.

However, some people struggle with mental illness which requires more than the steps listed above. Many people need professional help but don't want to be looked at as not being able to handle it themselves. I know from experience that it is important to receive professional help in our lives when we feel like nothing else seems to be working.

If you want to learn more about mental illness and how to treat those who struggle with it or what to do about it personally, I recommend this talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland called "Like a Broken Vessel" (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng). You can watch his video or read it if you like, but it gives great insight to receiving help and strength.

I'll warn you ahead of time that he refers to the scriptures often. I don't know what god you worship, but either way I know you can find his talk helpful.

Until next week my friend.

Kirie