Most girls probably have a different idea of what this looks like for them. Some would love a quiet, private, romantic proposal while others would like a big, exciting, social proposal. Which are you?
Something that I am learning lately is that a lot of couples these days will discuss engagement and wedding before the proposal ever happens. What I learned in my Family Relations class the other day is that some people (and probably more in the past) have the mindset that they do not discuss the proposal before it happens.
This surprised me so much! I had to think over and over again why someone would NOT communicate a proposal or be confident in marrying each other before it happens. I don't have a source for this but I've heard that it will often take guys more time to have as high of a commitment level as the girls in a relationship leading to marriage. Therefore, when the man would come and propose having no official assurance of her saying yes, he was showing his level of commitment and desire in the relationship.
Personally I felt that it would take so much courage to make a move like that because he doesn't know if she will say yes or no! He is humbly kneeling and asking a question, submitting himself to whatever the answer may be. Now I think there are benefits to both cases:
Benefits to discussing the proposal beforehand:
1. He will not be publicly or privately rejected by the woman he loves
2. They are both sure of the commitment and can prepare and plan accordingly
3. She is not put on the spot to make a decision
Benefits to NOT discussing the proposal beforehand include:
1. The man is willing to take a chance on the relationship as well as show his commitment level
2. The girl is more surprised and (hopefully) excited about the proposal
3. The man gets to plan how to propose to her with less pressure
Now skipping in to after marriage, in class we discussed marital satisfaction and patterns that can affect it.
The birth of baby number 1 is usually the first downward slope in marital satisfaction. The slide down often increases after each child. Why do you think that is?
Well some of the reasons can include if the husband does not feel as close to the baby as the mother does. The mother has gone through a 9 month bonding process with the child and then often takes care of the child most. The dad can feel less attached or connected depending on how involved he was during the pregnancy, birth, and care of the child.
Something especially interesting that we discussed in class was about who should be there during the birth of the baby. There were several thoughts shared and what we learned is that it is common for the wife to want her mother there by her side to take care of her and comfort her through the process of the birth. However, this can often leave the husband feeling like he is not needed or wanted in the process (according to the conversation this morning). If the husband can be included and involved in the process of a birth and feel needed and wanted, the chances of marital satisfaction either increasing or staying where it is are higher than if he is excluded in all of these processes.
I don't have children yet, but I've always planned on my mom being there for the birth of my first child to help me in every way possible. She has done this for the births of 5 grandchildren with a 6th on the way. I haven't decided exactly what I will do, but I'm definitely thinking about if I should have her there or just my husband! I want my relationship with my spouse to be second only to God and therefore prioritized above that of others as needed.
What are your thoughts?
Have a good week!
Kirie
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