How do you feel about dating? Do negative or positive thoughts come to mind with the word "date"?
I remember hearing the story of a girl who got asked on dates more than any of her friends at church or school. She wasn't outrageously attractive according to society's standards but she had something else that made her extremely attractive to men; openness.
Many guys WANT to ask girls on dates, but have been rejected so many times that its difficult to approach someone. Girls have often felt this rejection as well when they tried to step up and ask a guy out. In some cases, guys may be shy and want a clear sign that the girl will say yes if he asks her on a date. I believe flirting from the girls side can help encourage more dates but at the same time, what would be considered enough flirting for the guy to know she is interested?!
To continue with the story I heard a few months ago, when the girl was asked why she had way more dates than the girls in her social and religious groups, the girl responded that when she sees a guy she doesn't know, she will go talk to him casually. Somewhere in the conversation she will say, "You know, if you asked me on a date I wouldn't say no." This simple phrase created assurance for the guys that if they asked her on a date they would not be rejected.
What are some other ways we can be more open?
In my Family Relations class we talked about another girl who got asked on dates often simply because she was kind. She would take the time to thank someone for holding the door for her or would make eye contact and smile while talking to people. This showed her openness and also created a safe feeling for guys to ask her out.
How much does body language play a role in getting a date? I recommend watching body language videos by Vanessa Van Edwards on YouTube for more information on how much body language is really involved (https://youtu.be/lV2RTqrJ354 or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-snL3326LA).
And what about the subject of girls asking guys on dates? Is it too much to always expect the guys to ask girls out? Do guys want girls to ask them out or do they prefer to take the lead? It probably depends on the guy.
I don't know all the answers, but I have personally asked guys on dates a few times and found those dates to be fun and insightful. After asking a guy on one date, I liked to wait for them to ask me on the second date if they were interested. The reason why I wanted them to ask me for the second date is because I like seeing how they take initiative, plan ahead, provide for, and commit in a small way to spending time with me.
Once you are dating a person you like, does spending every minute together improve your relationship or have negative affects on your relationship? For me personally, I enjoy spending every moment possible with someone I like! However, according to my Family Relations teacher who has practiced Marriage and Family therapy for over 20 years, spending every moment of every day together is a good predictor of marital failure.
Why would that be so?! There are situations when one or both people in a relationship expect to spend MORE time together once married, but the reality is that once they get in to their normal schedules again there is often less time spent together. It is important for couples to learn how to be happy on their own and to balance their time when they are together so that they can keep that balance and happiness once married and not be dependent on the other person for their happiness.
I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject, so let me know what you think in the comments below. :)
Have a fantastic week,
Kirie
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