Marriage and Remarriage

Homes today are more complex than they were 20 years ago. Homes these days can  consist of a

1. Mother and father
2. Step-parent
3. Single mom
4. Single dad
5. Foster and/or adopted child

and so many more! Some parents remarry several times or even remarry an ex.

A couple facts about children in the US:

1. Aprox. 40% of children are born outside of wedlock
2. Aprox. 60% of children in US will live with someone other than both parents at some point in their life.

Because there are so many different family units and structure's in today's world, many people ask how to manage the family that they have and all their differences.

The truth is, every family is so unique that although there are some great guidelines you can follow, there is no exact set of directions to follow.

My Family Relations professor said that he had a realization about the holiday "Pioneer Day," which is mostly celebrated in states like Utah and Idaho. This holiday is not only to look back and appreciate ancestors who came across the plains in such harsh conditions to create better lives, it is also a metaphor for us. We must be pioneers, willing to go to new territory and do what is hard. This also relates to breaking family trends, habits, or traditions. 

No-fault divorce was established in the 1970's starting in California. This meant that people could file for a divorce without having any of the 3 "A"s for divorce.

3 "A"s for divorce:
- Adultery
- Abuse
- Alcoholism (chemical abuse)
- Abandonment (in some cases)

This law made more opportunities for divorce but caused greater complications for who received custody of the children. 

With the 3 "A"s system, they could easily determine that whoever committed the adultery, abuse, or other would not receive child custody. 

What other challenges come with divorce besides deciding on custody? Well depending on the custody, there may be difficulties of communication between parents, emotional and mental challenges faced by the children, and so forth. 

According to the readings from our class, many people do not often heal from the end of the first marriage until one or the other moves on with a new partner. 

We learned that 2 years after divorce, 70% of Americans divorced think they should have fixed the marriages instead of ended them. 

We also learned that 2 years after marriage, 70% of men are remarried.

As my professor who has done marriage and family counseling for many years said in class, "You can get divorced but you can't get unmarried." Brother Williams

The wisdom I find in this is learning that although some people should definitely get a divorce our of their situation for various reasons, there are many times where couples can benefit by learning all that a divorce entails. The hardships, the positive outcomes, and so forth.

I know that if you are reading this and have been divorced, you may have some strong opinions on the subject of divorce. As I said in the beginning, every family is different! Every person has a different experience, and your experience was uniquely yours with its struggles and triumphs. 

Feel free to share your thoughts or experiences below, I'm curious to learn about how you dealt with those hard times.

If you would like to learn more about the subject, I recommend clicking here and reading from the different blogs listed. 

I would like to end with this poem on hardships in life. Because even though it doesn't say the word "family" in it, we know that with family comes great responsibility and difficult times:

Good Timber

by Douglas Malloch

The tree that never had to fight

For sun and sky and air and light,

But stood out in the open plain

And always got its share of rain,

Never became a forest king

But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil

To gain and farm his patch of soil,

Who never had to win his share

Of sun and sky and light and air,

Never became a manly man

But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow with ease:

The stronger wind, the stronger trees;

The further sky, the greater length;

The more the storm, the more the strength.

By sun and cold, by rain and snow,

In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth,

We find the patriarchs of both.

And they hold counsel with the stars

Whose broken branches show the scars

Of many winds and much of strife.

This is the common law of life.

Until next time my friends.

Kirie